The last 6-12 months I haven’t been anywhere near as active on the blog as I would have liked.  Basically I took a bit of a hiatus.  I had so much going on in my life that I didn’t have the emotional or mental energy to deal with the blog.  At some stages in life you have more going on than others and it turns out that the last 6-12 months were super hectic for me.  Nonetheless I’ve come out the other end I feel a better person.  Having said that I’ve definitely become more cynical and have a harder edge but that’s life.

What I’ve learnt is that you really have to enjoy the great times because they won’t last forever. You also need to understand that there will be tough stages in life also.  We all go through them but it’s important to just keep on fighting on.

How it has impacted my sexuality is that my sex drive decreased.  Over the last couple of months I feel that my sex drive has slowly been coming back though and now it’s as big as ever.  These things take time and life is all about momentum, change doesn’t happen in an instant.  It took months to get to feel like myself again but I’m back now and feel that I’m myself again.

Going forward I can’t wait to explore my sexuality more with vibrators, dildos and some kinkier stuff like butt play.  Who knows ho kinky I’ll get?  The journey will be a lot of fun and there’ll be plenty of orgasms along the way so stay tuned.

First off, let us just reassure you once and for all that there is nothing wrong with not knowing how to use a vibrator. We may live in a world where Fifty Shades of Grey has become an integral part of pop-culture references but it has started to make things which should come with a caution label look easy and second nature, so much so that most women have started judging themselves for simply not knowing how to use one. What they forget is what turns you on is purely based on instinct. It’s really a method of trial and error, you learn what you like based on instinct and then you go on there.

But, if you’re still wondering how to use a vibrator, then here are eight steps that can help you along the way.

1. Be confident

There’s no shame in wanting to explore your sexuality.  It’s all about enjoying yourself.  Orgasming and exploring your sexuality are some of the biggest pleasures in life and you shouldn’t feel any shame or guilt in using a vibrator.  In fact, you should be super excited because you’re on a journey of self discovery…  The best type of self discovery, the type that leads to lots and lots of orgasms!

2.     Know What Your Vibrator is designed for…

The first thing you need to do as soon as you get a vibrator is to figure out exactly what it is designed to do. Vibrators tend to come in all shapes and sizes, with some being multi-purpose, while others are designed for one specific reason. The purpose of vibrators these days range from basic internal stimulation, clitoral stimulation and to stimulate both the clitoris and g-spot at the same time (generally called rabbit vibrators).

Once you have figured out the purpose of your vibrator, it is time to get to know how your vibrator actually works. In order to do this, you need to understand the various vibration intensities and patterns the vibrator is accompanied with. These are responsible for the pulsating of the vibrator and will play a key role using your vibrator. Most vibrators also come with instruction manuals. Thus, it is always a good idea to thoroughly read the manual before you dive into the deep end with the toy.  Looking up instructions online will also prove to be a good thing because the more knowledge you have on a topic, the chances of you being nervous decrease significantly. While you are at it, it might also be a good idea to look up product reviews online as well. This way you get to see how your toy performed for other users and that would give you an idea about how you can use it too.

3.     Get in the Mood

Once you have acquired all the knowledge that you can get about your toy, it is time to dive into actually using it. But, the first thing you have got to do is get yourself in the mood to play with yourself. The pulsations produced by vibrators tend to be extremely intense. Thus, keep yourself from getting uncomfortable and play with your new toy only when you are extremely ready to go ahead and get yourself some or start off on the lowest possible setting. If it’s still too much vibration for you use the vibrator on top of your panties to help decrease the vibration level.

Do whatever you need to do to get your pulse-rate going, read erotica, put on some porn, fantasize, as long as it gets your blood flowing, it is good enough to get you in the mood. Now, once you have done what you needed to do, turn the vibrator on. It’s not time just yet to put it between your legs and go to town with it. But, it certainly is a good idea to tease yourself with the toy on various parts of your body, just to familiarize yourself with the sensation your toy produces.

4.     Lots of Lube

Whether you are playing with a vibrator, having sex or simply masturbating, using a whole lot of lube is the way to go if you’re using an internal vibrator.  It not only helps the toy glide against your skin, keeping the tugging and scratching sensation at bay, but the sort of sensations it produces give you a whole new territory to explore. You can use any sort of lube you would like. Most recommend using a high-quality water-based lube, but you should always look up what kind of lube works best with your toy. As a rule of the thumb, always remember. Do not use silicone based lubes for toys made with silicone.

5.     Go Slow

If you are a first-time user, trust us when we say this: using a vibrator directly on your genitals on full power setting is calling for disaster. Turn the power settings on the vibrator on the lowest, using the basic pattern i.e. a constant vibration instead of a pulsing one for the start. Eventually, once you familiarize yourself with the toy or you have been playing with it for a while, you can increase the power setting and experiment with what feels good to you. But, until you are sure of what you want, it is always a good idea to ease into it.

6.     Level of Contact

Most women like to have the vibrator in direct contact with their clitoris. Others prefer a barrier of sort between the two like panties. It can be anything really. You can choose to hold the vibrator against the labia so that your clitoris gets stimulated indirectly. Or, you can keep your underwear on and try stimulating the clitoris with the vibrator. You can also use a sheet or a towel to achieve similar effects.

7.     Stimulate your Hot Spots

As mentioned earlier, most vibrators are designed for one exclusive purpose, or to use externally. Since most women need direct clitoral stimulation to climax, it makes the most sense to get yourself a vibrator that works externally. But, at the same time, you can choose to purchase one that works with internal stimulation so you can play with your erogenous zones and see what works for you. Most women prefer the in and out motion, which helps in G-spot stimulation. With the G-spot situated right underneath your abdomen, even the slightest pressure on the area can help you with your adventures.

8.     Experiment

So, there you have it. Once you have a grip on all the basics, it’s time that you start mixing things up and experiment with what you like and how you like it. Increase the intensity, decrease it, add a pulsing pattern to the mix, do whatever works for you and see what you like best.

And, do not forget to have fun!

I am ever so lucky to have had the talented Luke Stott to write another brilliant piece for me!
If you misssed his first post, you can find it here
Don’t forget to check out the links too, you need to check out the cheeky monkeys!

Did you know that a woman’s moan during sex is an evolutionary response designed to entice other males to have sex with her?
And its not just women who biology, like a desperate wingman prodding you and pointing at the fitty they know standing at the bar, tells us are a bit easy.

A Gorilla, a Chimpanzee, and Billy, a builder from Surrey, all go to the sexual health clinic. The doctor, having previously trained as a vet, is unperturbed by the Chimpanzee swinging from the lamp shade in the waiting room and the Gorilla munching the magazines. One by one the doctor, lets call him Doolittle, begs his patients into the office for their physical exam starting with the Gorilla.
By a heavy coincidence Doolittle is fluent in Gorilla so is able to ask all the normal questions including; oohh ohh oh oh ooh ohh ohh? which roughly translates as, ‘How many sexual partners have you had?’
One. Says the huge Gorilla before producing a set of drums and banging out a solo of In The Air Tonight. We’re getting married next month and we’re honeymooning in New York
During this anecdote the doctor can’t help but notice that the Gorilla’s testicles are tiny, especially when you compare them to those of the Chimpanzee who comes in next.

The little chimp is extremely well endowed in the testicle department with two tennis balls swinging between his legs. The doctor asks the chimp about his magic number,
‘What today?’ says the chimp, a hint of cockney in his voice having spent time in the London zoo, a cup of tea in his hand. ‘Five but I’ve only just had breakfast. I guess I’m in the 100s. I’ve had more fine primate pussy than I’ve had PG Tips. Got to go I’m late for my job as a copywriter. Turrah!’

Finally Doolittle asks the builder from Surrey into his office and asks him to drop his trousers, mainly because he’s the only patient who actually bothered to get dressed that morning. ‘Can you tell me how many people you have had sexual intercourse with?’ The doctor asks after cupping Billy’s balls.
I’d say around 20 or so mate. The birds can’t get enough!
Surprisingly Billy big bollocks’ testicular scale is roughly halfway between the Gorillas and the Chimpanzee. The doctor nods sagely to himself as he ponders what this means regarding human promiscuity.

You see Gorillas tend to have very few sexual partners so there’s very little sexual competition; they can afford to mate less often so only need small testicles to produce enough semen for the job. Chimpanzees on the other hand are very promiscuous and a male must take every available opportunity to impregnate a female; therefore he needs huge balls to create copious amounts of monkey spunk.
Billy the builder from Surrey is somewhere between. So whilst we’re not necessarily designed to all have the sexual libido of a rabbit on Viagra that subsists entirely on a diet of Oysters we’re probably not built to be totally monogamous our entire lives either. (Sorry Disney and the GOP!)
We’re sentient beings capable of choosing to ignore our biology in favor of higher level goals or aspirations; but should we bother?

Sex has a whole host of health benefits and is portrayed as the primary concern in our modern existence (well that and shouting at the contestants on The Apprentice that think purple eyeliner is a good idea, it isn’t; you look like you’ve given up sleep for lent whilst simultaneously dating Chris Brown).

I wonder though; might it be that our sexualized media is selling us what we really want but don’t care to admit to in public? Are we living out our sexual cravings through the purchasing of products laced with sexual imagery?

Are we still so repressed that you buy the shoes because you want to screw?
Well if your shoe collection is burgeoning on the obscene nature has one more lesson for you; listen to the panda.

Cuff me up
Chain me down
My tortured lips
Will make no sound

You strike me once
But not enough
I beg of you harder
Of that you must

My pert pink bottom
Forlorn in the air
As you punish it further
Painful as you dare

I look back
Catch the glint in your eye
You blindfold me
So I can’t spy

Throw me down
On the bed I thud
You have all control
Like a real man should

You push my boundaries
All my buttons as well
I feel you deep
As you start to swell

I let out a moan
Pleasure or pain
You don’t care
As you just came

My hair tousled
I peel back the mask
To reveal laid by a mirror
Do we look good, I ask

Individual sexual choices and lifestyles vary greatly from person to person and when exploring sex and sexuality what will do it for one may be a total turn-off for another.  Anal play has been practiced by humans for thousands of years.  The ancient Romans, Egyptians and Greeks were fascinated by it.  It is thought that the first use of beads for sex play was by Cleopatra who also had images depicted of her using a dildo.  Olive oil was commonly used as a lubricant and Petronius a Roman courtier 27-66AD wrote in his novel:

“Oenothea held up a leather dildo which she oiled and covered in pepper and crushed nettle seeds and began pushing it up my arsehole, inch by inch.”

With anal play growing in popularity throughout history, people can now buy anal beads at sex toy stores.  With this in mind I wanted to explore the practices of anal play through the use of anal beads.

What are anal beads?

Anal beads are sex toys that consist of multiple spheres, balls and other circular or cylindrical shapes that are held together to form a line that is inserted into the anus to give erotic pleasure.  The most popular are tapered in size the end bit (the side you insert first) being the smallest and increasing in size with each ball.  Other variations may be all the same size or randomly different sizes.  These balls may be held together by a string (Thai beads) or the same material as the balls whether that is rubber, plastic, latex, glass, silicone or steel.  Anal beads may be vibrating or non-vibrating.

Curved anal beads are very common

Versatility is the beauty of anal beads as they can be used in solo play, foreplay, couples play and as a prelude or conclusion to anal sex.  They can also be used either by men who will stimulate their prostate and achieve a ‘P-spot orgasm’ or by women who do not have a prostate but would like to experience ‘anal orgasms’.  The smaller sizes can be used for beginners of anal play.  Another option for beginners to anal play is butt plugs.  You can read about my first adventure with anal and butt plugs here.

Another popular type of anal beads are rigid, straight anal beads

They’ve also been really popular in popular culture as evidenced by these two clips:

How to use anal beads

The most common way for women to use them is to slowly insert them, stopping as each bead passes through the narrow sphincters in the anus.  As the balls increase it will cause dilation until the largest size is reached.  Some women will repeat this procedure whilst others will then move the beads inwards and outwards increasing speed to simulate real anal sex.  Men will insert the beads into the anus until the Prostate gland is found.  Then they will stimulate it by moving it backwards and forwards over the prostate to cause an ejaculation.  This method is called ‘milking the prostate’.

Another method that is very popular with Thai Beads is to fully insert the string and balls. Then lightly jiggle the string with slight pressure that will cause each ball to ‘pop’ out of the anus. When the ball or bead is between the internal and external sphincter muscles it will cause constriction of the anus.

Couples play

During couples sex anal beads are often introduced just prior to the woman orgasming vaginally. This will intensify the orgasm and in many cases women report having intense blended orgasms.  A blended orgasm is when an orgasm is experienced simultaneously from two different parts of the body.  Women can achieve orgasm from the clitoris, labia, vagina, G-spot, A-spot and anally as a result of stimulation or penetration. Men experience orgasms from the penis and the Prostate.

Will you enjoy it?

Rather than just using the anal beads on their own, they can also be inserted into the vagina or anus during penetrative sex. If you are planning on using anal beads in this way it is recommended that the anal beads have a method of retrieval that will not be dislodged during penetration. When the anal beads of fully inserted, a lover can insert their erection or dildo inside and gently thrust. The anal beads will move alongside the thrusts for additional stimulation.

Use lube!

You’ll need lube

As with any sexual activity revolving around the anus plenty of lubricant should be used.  The anus does not self-lubricate and also absorbs water so re-application is often required.  Also if any part of the anal beads is porous, like the string, attention to disinfection and cleaning of the sex toy before and after each use is imperative to ensure safety.  Any anal toys should not be shared, but if they are precautions such as placing a condom over it and using anti-bacterial spray should be used.

Anal Beads Wrap up

There is a high concentration of nerve endings in and around the anus that will allow intense sexual enjoyment when using anal beads if done properly.  The pudendal nerve in the external sphincter muscle actually branches to the dorsal nerve of the clitoris in women and the penis in men.  This is why many fetishes are known to include anal beads to heighten sexual desire and/or gratification during intimate play.  More popular ones include ass worship, enema play, BDSM, spanking, cuckold play, pegging and of course anal sex.  Check out my anal sex guide.

Would you be comfortable telling your partner about changes in their body.

Apparently, not enough of you tell your partners about their bodies. Do you not communicate or are you just having sex in the dark, quick in out and you’re done? I’m hoping that it’s neither!

How exactly, do you tell your partner that you think there have been some changes without offending them? Personally, I just tend to offend them. I don’t care that much. It’s better in the long run if something is wrong, isn’t it.

“Sorry babe, I did notice that you had a lump on your testicle, but I didn’t want to offend you”,
It is not helpful when told too late, if told at all. The earlier cancer is treated the higher the chance of recovery. If you dare not talk to your partner and be completely open, then what kind of relationship is that? If you notice any lumps on your partners testicles or breasts, tell them and make sure they get it checked out. If they panic, support them. That’s what a real relationship is about.

When do you tell them? Desire and Pleasure suggests after sex or being intimate. That’s it, make sure you get your sex before you perhaps offend them and they refuse to let you see them naked again. Of course, that wouldn’t happen. Even if you do offend them slightly, there’s always the make up sex!

I would just tell them as soon as I notice. No time like the present. Also, if it’s something minor such as hygiene, don’t expect me to suck it and then tell you afterwards. I will tell you now, and you can go wash it. Yes, I have done that before. Yes, I’m a bitch.

It’s time occasionally, to take off the blindfolds and pay attention to your partners body, and not just once this week. It’s an ongoing thing. Foreplay is the best time for this. A health check isn’t so scary when you’re getting kissed and sucked all over, is it?

Be honest then, would you tell your partner if you thought something had changed on their body?