The last 6-12 months I haven’t been anywhere near as active on the blog as I would have liked.  Basically I took a bit of a hiatus.  I had so much going on in my life that I didn’t have the emotional or mental energy to deal with the blog.  At some stages in life you have more going on than others and it turns out that the last 6-12 months were super hectic for me.  Nonetheless I’ve come out the other end I feel a better person.  Having said that I’ve definitely become more cynical and have a harder edge but that’s life.

What I’ve learnt is that you really have to enjoy the great times because they won’t last forever. You also need to understand that there will be tough stages in life also.  We all go through them but it’s important to just keep on fighting on.

How it has impacted my sexuality is that my sex drive decreased.  Over the last couple of months I feel that my sex drive has slowly been coming back though and now it’s as big as ever.  These things take time and life is all about momentum, change doesn’t happen in an instant.  It took months to get to feel like myself again but I’m back now and feel that I’m myself again.

Going forward I can’t wait to explore my sexuality more with vibrators, dildos and some kinkier stuff like butt play.  Who knows ho kinky I’ll get?  The journey will be a lot of fun and there’ll be plenty of orgasms along the way so stay tuned.

First off, let us just reassure you once and for all that there is nothing wrong with not knowing how to use a vibrator. We may live in a world where Fifty Shades of Grey has become an integral part of pop-culture references but it has started to make things which should come with a caution label look easy and second nature, so much so that most women have started judging themselves for simply not knowing how to use one. What they forget is what turns you on is purely based on instinct. It’s really a method of trial and error, you learn what you like based on instinct and then you go on there.

But, if you’re still wondering how to use a vibrator, then here are eight steps that can help you along the way.

1. Be confident

There’s no shame in wanting to explore your sexuality.  It’s all about enjoying yourself.  Orgasming and exploring your sexuality are some of the biggest pleasures in life and you shouldn’t feel any shame or guilt in using a vibrator.  In fact, you should be super excited because you’re on a journey of self discovery…  The best type of self discovery, the type that leads to lots and lots of orgasms!

2.     Know What Your Vibrator is designed for…

The first thing you need to do as soon as you get a vibrator is to figure out exactly what it is designed to do. Vibrators tend to come in all shapes and sizes, with some being multi-purpose, while others are designed for one specific reason. The purpose of vibrators these days range from basic internal stimulation, clitoral stimulation and to stimulate both the clitoris and g-spot at the same time (generally called rabbit vibrators).

Once you have figured out the purpose of your vibrator, it is time to get to know how your vibrator actually works. In order to do this, you need to understand the various vibration intensities and patterns the vibrator is accompanied with. These are responsible for the pulsating of the vibrator and will play a key role using your vibrator. Most vibrators also come with instruction manuals. Thus, it is always a good idea to thoroughly read the manual before you dive into the deep end with the toy.  Looking up instructions online will also prove to be a good thing because the more knowledge you have on a topic, the chances of you being nervous decrease significantly. While you are at it, it might also be a good idea to look up product reviews online as well. This way you get to see how your toy performed for other users and that would give you an idea about how you can use it too.

3.     Get in the Mood

Once you have acquired all the knowledge that you can get about your toy, it is time to dive into actually using it. But, the first thing you have got to do is get yourself in the mood to play with yourself. The pulsations produced by vibrators tend to be extremely intense. Thus, keep yourself from getting uncomfortable and play with your new toy only when you are extremely ready to go ahead and get yourself some or start off on the lowest possible setting. If it’s still too much vibration for you use the vibrator on top of your panties to help decrease the vibration level.

Do whatever you need to do to get your pulse-rate going, read erotica, put on some porn, fantasize, as long as it gets your blood flowing, it is good enough to get you in the mood. Now, once you have done what you needed to do, turn the vibrator on. It’s not time just yet to put it between your legs and go to town with it. But, it certainly is a good idea to tease yourself with the toy on various parts of your body, just to familiarize yourself with the sensation your toy produces.

4.     Lots of Lube

Whether you are playing with a vibrator, having sex or simply masturbating, using a whole lot of lube is the way to go if you’re using an internal vibrator.  It not only helps the toy glide against your skin, keeping the tugging and scratching sensation at bay, but the sort of sensations it produces give you a whole new territory to explore. You can use any sort of lube you would like. Most recommend using a high-quality water-based lube, but you should always look up what kind of lube works best with your toy. As a rule of the thumb, always remember. Do not use silicone based lubes for toys made with silicone.

5.     Go Slow

If you are a first-time user, trust us when we say this: using a vibrator directly on your genitals on full power setting is calling for disaster. Turn the power settings on the vibrator on the lowest, using the basic pattern i.e. a constant vibration instead of a pulsing one for the start. Eventually, once you familiarize yourself with the toy or you have been playing with it for a while, you can increase the power setting and experiment with what feels good to you. But, until you are sure of what you want, it is always a good idea to ease into it.

6.     Level of Contact

Most women like to have the vibrator in direct contact with their clitoris. Others prefer a barrier of sort between the two like panties. It can be anything really. You can choose to hold the vibrator against the labia so that your clitoris gets stimulated indirectly. Or, you can keep your underwear on and try stimulating the clitoris with the vibrator. You can also use a sheet or a towel to achieve similar effects.

7.     Stimulate your Hot Spots

As mentioned earlier, most vibrators are designed for one exclusive purpose, or to use externally. Since most women need direct clitoral stimulation to climax, it makes the most sense to get yourself a vibrator that works externally. But, at the same time, you can choose to purchase one that works with internal stimulation so you can play with your erogenous zones and see what works for you. Most women prefer the in and out motion, which helps in G-spot stimulation. With the G-spot situated right underneath your abdomen, even the slightest pressure on the area can help you with your adventures.

8.     Experiment

So, there you have it. Once you have a grip on all the basics, it’s time that you start mixing things up and experiment with what you like and how you like it. Increase the intensity, decrease it, add a pulsing pattern to the mix, do whatever works for you and see what you like best.

And, do not forget to have fun!

I am ever so lucky to have had the talented Luke Stott to write another brilliant piece for me!
If you misssed his first post, you can find it here
Don’t forget to check out the links too, you need to check out the cheeky monkeys!

Did you know that a woman’s moan during sex is an evolutionary response designed to entice other males to have sex with her?
And its not just women who biology, like a desperate wingman prodding you and pointing at the fitty they know standing at the bar, tells us are a bit easy.

A Gorilla, a Chimpanzee, and Billy, a builder from Surrey, all go to the sexual health clinic. The doctor, having previously trained as a vet, is unperturbed by the Chimpanzee swinging from the lamp shade in the waiting room and the Gorilla munching the magazines. One by one the doctor, lets call him Doolittle, begs his patients into the office for their physical exam starting with the Gorilla.
By a heavy coincidence Doolittle is fluent in Gorilla so is able to ask all the normal questions including; oohh ohh oh oh ooh ohh ohh? which roughly translates as, ‘How many sexual partners have you had?’
One. Says the huge Gorilla before producing a set of drums and banging out a solo of In The Air Tonight. We’re getting married next month and we’re honeymooning in New York
During this anecdote the doctor can’t help but notice that the Gorilla’s testicles are tiny, especially when you compare them to those of the Chimpanzee who comes in next.

The little chimp is extremely well endowed in the testicle department with two tennis balls swinging between his legs. The doctor asks the chimp about his magic number,
‘What today?’ says the chimp, a hint of cockney in his voice having spent time in the London zoo, a cup of tea in his hand. ‘Five but I’ve only just had breakfast. I guess I’m in the 100s. I’ve had more fine primate pussy than I’ve had PG Tips. Got to go I’m late for my job as a copywriter. Turrah!’

Finally Doolittle asks the builder from Surrey into his office and asks him to drop his trousers, mainly because he’s the only patient who actually bothered to get dressed that morning. ‘Can you tell me how many people you have had sexual intercourse with?’ The doctor asks after cupping Billy’s balls.
I’d say around 20 or so mate. The birds can’t get enough!
Surprisingly Billy big bollocks’ testicular scale is roughly halfway between the Gorillas and the Chimpanzee. The doctor nods sagely to himself as he ponders what this means regarding human promiscuity.

You see Gorillas tend to have very few sexual partners so there’s very little sexual competition; they can afford to mate less often so only need small testicles to produce enough semen for the job. Chimpanzees on the other hand are very promiscuous and a male must take every available opportunity to impregnate a female; therefore he needs huge balls to create copious amounts of monkey spunk.
Billy the builder from Surrey is somewhere between. So whilst we’re not necessarily designed to all have the sexual libido of a rabbit on Viagra that subsists entirely on a diet of Oysters we’re probably not built to be totally monogamous our entire lives either. (Sorry Disney and the GOP!)
We’re sentient beings capable of choosing to ignore our biology in favor of higher level goals or aspirations; but should we bother?

Sex has a whole host of health benefits and is portrayed as the primary concern in our modern existence (well that and shouting at the contestants on The Apprentice that think purple eyeliner is a good idea, it isn’t; you look like you’ve given up sleep for lent whilst simultaneously dating Chris Brown).

I wonder though; might it be that our sexualized media is selling us what we really want but don’t care to admit to in public? Are we living out our sexual cravings through the purchasing of products laced with sexual imagery?

Are we still so repressed that you buy the shoes because you want to screw?
Well if your shoe collection is burgeoning on the obscene nature has one more lesson for you; listen to the panda.